'Do-over' movies...

Ang Lee's Hulk movie was pretty disappointing. Not speaking as a fan of the comic books, I still had a pretty good idea about what the Hulk was and what he got up to. I expected some serious shit from the film; fights, violence, monsters, laborious studies on oedipal angst- wait. No, not that last bit. No laborious studies of anything. Just the fighting and violence, it's called Hulk, right? I'm within my rights to expect the fighting and violence, that's not too much to ask for, is it?

To be fair to Ang Lee, the bit where the Hulk smashes up that bunch of tanks was pretty awesome. All two minutes of it. But the rest of the movie disappeared so far up its own anus that the film that emerged from the other side was indistinguishable from the pretentious piece of shit that it was.

Hulk (there is no prefix 'The' in the title) was a product of movies like X-Men and Spiderman. This happened when the Marvel comics brand became aware of the equation:

'Beloved comics franchise' x 'Edgy, unexpected director' = 'Increasing box office returns'

It was simple; Bryan Singer (X-Men) was pretty edgy - he came off The Usual Suspects, and Sam Raimi had created The Evil Dead and was as edgy as a hardcore gore movie director could be. See! See what happens when you give directors films that you just wouldn't expect them to direct! See how edgy and succesful they are!

So, to direct Hulk, a movie about Marvel's most superficial and singlemindedly brutal superhero, they pulled out all the stops and got a director who was best known for directing quiet, contemplative family dramas. Makes sense, right?

Needless to say, Hulk was fucking awful and the failure that Marvel deserved for trying to pull a stupid pretentious stunt like that. But the after-effects are still being felt.

It's not Ang Lee's fault, he probably didn't really understand what was going on when he read the script anyway. And why would he? It was retarded. But the movie failed so spectacularly that people lost confidence, for a long time, in making intelligent superhero movies. And if you doubt the consequences of Hulk's failure... they gave Ghost Rider to that moron who directed Daredevil, they gave X-Men 3 to fucking Brett Ratner. Brett Ratner. Who directed Rush Hour. 1, 2 and 3.

Whatever. Why should I care about shitty comic book movies anyway? Well, the reason is, about a year ago Marvel brought out a new Hulk movie. Less than five years after the previous one. This wasn't a remake or a sequel, this was a 'reboot'. Or, in other words, a 'do-over'. It's like taking a practice swing in tennis, seeing the ball land way, way outside the line and quickly yelling for another go before anyone cottons on.

I saw the Hulk do-over movie. It was ok. It was better than the other one because it had more violence and fighting. But I was totally intrigued by the idea of a 'do-over' movie. It's like Marvel were holding their hands up and saying 'Yeah... ok, you got us, Hulk was really, really bad. Sorry we tricked you into spending money on it, and investing in it emotionally. But hey, forget that one -here's another one!'

You literally have to forget that the other movie existed. It's like George Lucas running into a screening of Revenge of the Sith and asking everyone not to watch because he's planning a 'do-over trilogy' to make up for the shittiness of the prequels. It's a dangerous precedent; if your movie isn't successful in any way, it's cool; film a do-over. Sure, you're insulting the loyalty and intelligence of your audience, but what the hell? They'll go see it anyway.

And now Marvel, not happy with the Fantastic Four movies (and why should they be? They were fucking terrible) are considering a do-over movie!

http://digg.com/movies/Fantastic_Four_is_Already_Getting_Remade

And that's not all... turns out Daredevil and Planet of the Apes were just 'practice' movies, too. The do-overs will be coming soon...

Making people ignore the fact that you tried to forcibly make them watch shitty movies that you fucked up through your own creative bankruptcy and then expect them to flock to see a do-over when the first shitty movie fails is fucking patronizing and arrogant in equal, gigantic measures. That is why I hate do-over movies.