Micromovies...

Here is the first installment of Micromovies, in which I will attempt to provide a helpful and bitesize critique of popular movies. Hopefully, my take on these films will help you decide whether you want to see them, or not:

CATCH ME IF YOU CAN


I did catch it. Docked one star for overconfidence. Otherwise, good: ***1/2




TROY


Brad Pitt's portrayal of Achilles as mentally disabled was incredibly offensive. Docked one star: *



SCARY MOVIE 3


Mathematically distinct from Scary Movie 2; that's the only compliment I have for this movie: *



THE HAPPENING


A lot HAPPENS in this movie. Except fun and enjoyment: *




THE INCREDIBLE HULK


Looks like Ed Norton has ANGER MANAGEMENT PROBLEMS! And by 'anger management problems' I mean 'not much acting ability': *



88 MINUTES


Instead of calling it '88 Minutes', they should have called it '0 Minutes' and not made it in the first place: *



THE DAY AFTER TOMORROW


I find the idea of Al-Qaeda terrorists building a 'Weather-Ray' insulting to my intelligence: **



HOME ALONE 2

The alternate 'dvd' ending in which Kevin Macallister freezes to death in Central Park, uttering the line 'Time to die...', is masterful: ***




More Micromovies to come...